i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
