i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
