This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
