So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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