Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
