i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
