Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
