It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
