Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
