Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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