If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You ruined the universe
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
