This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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