There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
