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1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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