took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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