Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
