there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
