I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
