I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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