So drunk its hurt
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
