Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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