I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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