Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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