im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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