yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
