Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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