Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
