halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
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Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
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I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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