Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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