I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
