brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
