You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
too bad you live with your parents still
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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