The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
