In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
