I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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