I met the friendliest cop last night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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