I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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