toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
