I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
