I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
