I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
