Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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