ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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