I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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