naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
