I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
