Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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