i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
