Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
