All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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