...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
