I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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