I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
