About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
