I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
