turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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