I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize