I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
