Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
