i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
