hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
