The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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