he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
