id be glad to
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
