Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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