im having a threesome with these popsicles
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
