Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
