my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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