Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
