our cab driver is having phone sex.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
