Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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