just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I CAN MOONWALK!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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