a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
