I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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