What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
