Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think I just sharted jello shots
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